i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
