I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
