I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
