I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
