If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
