my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
