On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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