Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
