So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
