the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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