I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
