Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
