I bet he comes in French.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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