that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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