Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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