i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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