I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wear drunk well.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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