I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
