i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
