That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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