how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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