I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
