So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently the secret to your success is patron
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
