You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
