Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
