I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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