piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I look better un-naked...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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