Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
