Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
