I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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