I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
