why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You are the jesus of drinking
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
