well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Can I color on your dick again?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
