Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
