do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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