Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
