3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
