Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
