i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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