White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pants are for mortals
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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