I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Found your dick twin last night
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
