Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
