I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
