We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
