Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
