Four minutes until I can fart!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
