If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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