Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
