Its about making memories worth repressing
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
