Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
