Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
