Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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