Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
