I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
