I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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