I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
